Online Dating: Does It Suck Or Are We Just Bad At It?

Online dating. The modern meeting at a bar…just without the liquid courage. One thing that remains though is the creepy and unwanted conversations.

I gave online dating apps a shot for approximately 3 months. During those months I learned some valuable lessons and was able to recognize the different types of people who visit these apps. To be fair, there are some people who are there to build more meaningful relationships. I also do not have any problem with the ones that don’t, if you want something casual it’s totally fine. My problem is when things aren’t made clear from the start. I can’t even tell you how many times I wasted my time talking to someone for nothing.

There are some things I believe I should clarify before we go into my experience with this new method of meeting people.

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  • I used the apps OkCupid and YouLove – which isn’t as well-known I think – I did not use the dating app of all dating apps aka Tinder because it was too heavy on my phone (I’m a looser and have an Android)
  • I did not use both apps at the same time. I first started with OkCupid but then deleted it when I became sick of it. When I decided to give these type of apps another chance I did not want to use that same account or create a new one so I found YouLove.
  • As I’ve discussed previously I’ve never been in a relationship. That isn’t really common for dating app users, I believe, so I always made that clear during the conversations.
  • I also made it clear on both of my profiles that I was looking for either a friendship (HAHA) or a more serious relationship. As you might imagine, since I’ve never had a serious relationship, I was not really open to having one night stands or something similar.
  • I identify as bisexual but on my profiles I never specified my sexuality and only really talked to guys at the time. I made that decision because if something were to come out of it, it could somewhat affect my life since I’m not out to my family.

Now that I gave you all of this information and clarified the circumstances in which I was, let’s talk about my experience for those three months.

The Apps In General

I do think it is important to say that the apps do work well and I don’t have some major problem with the way they were set up. I do think OkCupid does have a much better algorithm and it’s easier to find people you might agree with. YouLove doesn’t have that many users – at least here in Portugal – and if you don’t match with people they still show up on your profile a lot. OkCupid also has the positive of having the possibility of answering a trillion questions and then they give you a percentage of how compatible you are with someone, taking into account the answers you gave. If those percentages are completely accurate…who the hell knows, but I still enjoy the way it’s set up better than YouLove.

One thing that did annoy me in both apps was that I obviously put that a lived in Portugal on the settings and they even asked from where should the profiles presented to you be from. You can usually even say from how far you wouldn’t mind the guys being from. However, for some weird reason, profiles from all over Europe would pop up.

The Type Of Guys That Messaged Me/Wanted To Match With Me

As I swiped left and right I started to notice some common things about the users of both apps. From the pictures they used to the information they shared on their profile. Even more interesting was seeing the type of guys my profile seemed to attract.

There were the classics which are those who only have one picture attached to their profile that had a bigger focus on their abs than anything else. If you were lucky you could see a bit of their chin. A variation of this is having a million pictures and all of them being just like the one I just described.

In other cases I would see guys that a reasonable number of pictures – for context I think I had four pics in my profiles – but then wouldn’t really say anything in their profiles. That would be trickier on YouLove since that app doesn’t even show a percentage of how “compatible” you are. I don’t think you should tell your all life story on your profile but you have to give a little more than your name.

Some guys also, hilariously in my opinion, where using these apps to promote their other social media. That would be everything they would have on their description. I had guys message me just saying “Hey, I don’t really use this. Here’s my IG, follow me there to talk”. I never really did.

Last but not least I had men double, sometimes triple, my age trying to talk to me. The thing about these apps is that people can message you even if you haven’t matched with them yet, so that would give these men the opportunity – that I would never personally give them – to try to talk to me. Men with 2 kids, men that were older than my dad would message me like I would be interested. It’s also important for me to say that I also made my age clear on my profile so they were aware that I was barely legal. They would send stuff like “hey gorgeous, don’t you think you need a MAN in your life?”.

I have to admit, some people on these apps almost made me laugh. Others were just creepy.

The Type Of Guys I Talked To

I genuinely believe one of the biggest problems with dating apps is the type of people who do use it. From guys trolling during half the conversation to asking nudes after 0.2 seconds into a conversation. It’s definitely an interesting environment to say the least.

There’s a way to do things I think and the way a lot of people handle conversations over there is not the correct way. You say no to something and received the classic “you’re ugly anyway”. Well man, it looks to me like you were the one matching and messaging with an ugly girl then.

Here are all the different types of conversations I had on OkCupid and YouLove

  • The hit and quit it

This one is definitely interesting. I’d match with someone and they would message me “Hi” or something. I would respond just to not get any another response. My theory is that these guys would literally try to match with everyone and send a bunch of messages waiting for girls to respond. When the girls they messaged responded back they would then decide who they would be interested in.

It’s this or it was a bunch of bots.

  • The troll

Trolls are a fascinating species for me. On dating apps or not. Imagine wasting your time with something so dumb? Anyways…

Trolling in these case could honestly be anything. From professing their love for me two minutes into their conversation to asking me to go lay with them because they are “the best company”. From calling me a b*tch because I said I was rolling my eyes at their stupidity to a guy that blocked me after sending me a bunch of messages talking crap and having me telling him is life must be sad, just to unblock me every now and then to say “you’re still an ugly whore”. Saying these people are stupid is an understatement.

I’ll never understand what internet trolls are trying to accomplish or what they find amusing about what they do. I don’t think anyone knows.

  • The coming in hot

I think you can all guess what I mean with this. I always tried to be careful with the people I matched with, always making an effort to read their bios and all of that. Still, these guys always made into my mentions somehow.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think asking for nudes after only saying “hello, how are you?” to me is a good way to go about things.

As I said throughout this post, I don’t have anything against people wanting a casual thing. My problem is only that some people would say something in their profiles and then act a completely different way when you have a conversation with them.

Even worst was when they could not take a no for an answer. Some were just like “okay…” and didn’t say anything, which is funny. Others, however, would only call me a prude and ask why not. When I would insist that isn’t something I’m going to do, I would be hit with the classic “you must be fat”.

  • The “they’re so weird” you can’t quite tell

This is kinda a mix between the previous two. These would be the guys so outrageous you would think they would be trolling but, at the same time, after a while made think they were actually serious.

  • The ones that make it unclear

I already lightly talked about this one, but I think it’s worth to say more.

This was my biggest problem with the apps. I would match with someone and meet a completely different person in the conversation.

Usually these apps let you say what you are looking for and that is made public on your profile. Mine would say I was either looking for a relationship or just a friendship/meeting people. I always tried to match with the people who said the same thing.

Halfway into talking to them though, I would start to realize that wasn’t what they were really there for. You can call me naive, I admit I am. What can I say? I hope people are at least honest since it’s definitely not a strange thing to use apps like Tinder to meet a booty call.

  • The one that had a trillion accounts

I only met one guy, on YouLove, that was like this – but I found this so funny that I decided to talk about it.

I matched with this guys and we talked for a bit. Nothing really came out of it so after a day or two we stopped talking. When I stopped talking to a certain guy there I wouldn’t delete the conversation or unmatch them – so our conversation remained there.

I didn’t even remembered talking to this guy when, while I was doing some swiping, a profile popped up. I thought “okay he’s cute” but when I opened his profile I started to look at his other pics and that’s when I realized he looked familiar. I went to my conversations and found his profile – his other profile.

I just didn’t match with that new profile and didn’t think much of it at the time. The only thing I thought was that maybe he had forgotten his password or something.

That was until a bunch of profiles of the same guy started to appear. They all used the same name and all of the same information. I swear I saw around 10 profiles. Even more weird was that after a bit I started to get messages of a lot of those profiles.

I didn’t respond a lot of the times, until I got curious. So when I got a simple greeting from yet another profile of the same person I responded just saying “hey”. The guy kept talking to me like he had never seen my profile.

I finally asked him why did he have so many profiles and he said he was always changing phones. So he had over 10 phones in a month? Couldn’t he just sign up with an older account? He just said it’s how he uses the app. Whatever that means.

You would think it would end there. It didn’t. He then asked me why I never said anything else in our original conversation. I was honest and said I wasn’t really feeling it and was not interested in talking more. He just responded with an okay.

Two days later I received a “Hello.” from his 11th profile.

  • The okay’s

There were some guys that initially seemed great. The conversation would be working and none of them were acting like weirdos. After a while it would stop though.

The conversation just wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Hey what’s up.”

“Nothing. What about u?”

“Nothing much”

“Okay”

This isn’t my definition of a conversation.

  • The few that made it out of the apps

There were very few that made it out of the app. Most of them would follow me on my personal Instagram. Even fewer got my Whatsapp. You have to give the person your number for that and that isn’t something I wanted to give to a lot of them.

I don’t talk with anyone I met on OkCupid or YouLove now. Most of them ended up suffering the same destiny that the guys in the last category did. It just took longer to get to that point.

I just wouldn’t have anything to talk with them about and no one was really trying to make an effort to talk to be honest.

There were three guys that I gave my WhatsApp to. They deserve their own post though. These cases ended up being so dramatic, chaotic or just straight up dumb. I’ll definitely make a post titled “The WhatsApp Guys” or something in the future.

Final Thoughts

All of these guys either entertained/amused me or made me question my hope in humanity. A few of them were actually somewhat worth it, at least for a bit.

I did not find the love of my life though.

I don’t think I’ll be giving online dating another try, at least in the near future. I’ll try to meet people the old-fashioned way for now.

Does this mean I think it’s impossible to meet people and build relationships through dating apps? No. I do think you have to be willing to dig through all of the dirt for a while though.

I am curious. Have you tried online dating? How did it work out for you? Did you meet the love or your life or did you quit after a week? Let me know about your experience in the comments! Also, let me know your title ideas for the future post about those three guys.