My Two Failed Blogs

Hello guys! Cannot believe it’s already Tuesday and it’s time for another blog post. Before I go into today’s topic, I do have a question for you: Do you like this new blogging schedule? I told you on my post Blog Updates & Goals that from now on I would be posting three posts each week, each one relating to a different category. However, I want to know if you think that is a good plan or if it’s too much? Let me know in the comments below!

So today I thought I told you about my two failed blogs and what exactly I did that made them a failure. I wish both of them were still up, but unfortunately I’ve already deleted one of them. The other is in Portuguese but I’ll link it later on in the post and translate a bit of what I wrote in there.

When Did I Create Them

My first blog was on Tumblr, which I know is not the most popular platform for an actual blog. I created it sometime in 2013 – when I was 14/15 years old – and I wrote in English. This is the blog I have already deleted. The account on itself is still there but when I decided to not write in there anymore I deleted all of the posts so it’s empty. Since I never deactivated the account completely I can tell you the name. For some reason, at 15, I thought The Girl From The Background was a good name. It’s not.

The second blog was created on a more popular blogging platform, Blogger. This blog – titled Words From A Broken Home – was created in June of 2015, which means I was still 16 since I would only be 17 in September. As you might be able to tell by the name, I created this blog when I was in a though moment in my life, specially involving my family. None of that is, in any way, 100% solved at this point but in 2015 I was not able to handle things like I do right now, so it was a darker moment for me.

What Did I Post About

As I said earlier in this post, I already deleted everything involving my short-lived blog on Tumblr, so I cannot show you anything from there.

Thankfully, the second blog is still up. In this blog I only ever posted three times and they were all very short posts. As you might be able to see from the dates, I only used it for 3 days! The first ever post is called “Crazy Day” in which I talk very briefly about what happened that day. It’s about the time a girl I had just met that day went into an alcoholic coma. It happened when I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and that girl came with one of them. We were drinking a bit – which obviously we were not old enough to do and it was super dumb – and me and a few other people were aware that she was going too far but she didn’t really care. Anyways, that was a really scary experience and one that, at that time, made me actually reflect on a lot of things happening around me, including one of my friends at the time that we were all really worried about.

Here’s a quote (translated) from the post:

Already thought many times in calling her to the side and talk to her but I don’t think I would be a great help, mainly because I’m not in the best state of mind either.

I then wrote about my parents going their separate but I don’t think it’s worth it for me to translate my thoughts on the mater since they have since gotten back together and I do want to write about it now.

The last post, ironically, is about how I really liked posting about my thoughts on things and how I was enjoying having the blog.

Here’s what I wrote:

In a weird way I’m enjoying writing here. I’m never going to tell anyone I know that I have this blog because my only goal with it is to organize my thoughts and have a way to open up to others without it being in “real life”.

That actually has not changed. I haven’t told anyone in “real life” about the existence of The 20 Year Old Mess.

Why They Failed

The failure of both blogs is honestly the same: I was not ready.

This might sound weird but I truly believe you need to be ready, in many ways, when creating and committing to posting on I blog.

First of all, you have to put in work on blogging. You have to promote it so people even remotely know you exist. I did none of that, I legit created this blogs and that was it. I wrote every now and then and expected people to magically find the blogs. Of course, that’s not how it works.

This lead me to, specially with the first blog, get really frustrated and start to think it was not worth it because no one cared. To sum it up: I was an idiot.

Not only that, but a lot was going on in my personal life that I did not know how to handle.

I was writing about some personal stuff, which I also plan on doing in this blog, but at that time things were ever-changing and I was struggling. I did not know what was happening, what should I do and if honestly I could take it. I’ve talked about how I do have anxiety and suffer from mental illness and at that point in my life things were getting really hard and I was trying to pretend like they weren’t, specially in front of others.

Because of that I would get home and feel so tired, I was genuinely emotionally drained and I just could not bring myself to get up and write about anything, even if I tried to write about “lighter” things.

I just gave up both times.

What Changed Now

Simple. I’m just ready! I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes it is difficult. I still struggle with just wanting to lie in bed, forget about the world and do nothing sometimes.

However, now I’m willing to try to, even if I fail, I won’t just give up completely and pretend the blog does not exist. I’ll just start again for the next post.

I cannot promise you this blog will be perfect, there might be weeks I won’t be able to post and it will be hard for me. This time around I won’t just quit though. I won’t have a third failed blog!


Blog Updates & Goals

Hey guys! Today I decided to do something different and definitely more lighthearted than what you’ve seen on my blog so far. As you can tell by the title I’ll be talking about some updates for the blog, as well as some hopes and goals I want to achieve in the future. I already wrote about my Personal Goals For The End Of The Summer, where I focused on aspects I want to improve in my life, so I decided to write about what I want and am trying to improve on the blog as well.

This type of post is something I’m planing on doing every now and then – maybe once a month – because I think it’s not only interesting to see the evolution of The 20 Year Old Mess, but also discuss it with you guys!

For starters I want to thank you all for the support and for following along in my journey. I started this blog in June and the amount of love I’ve already received from the blogging community is incredible. I was absolutely terrified of starting this blog and having literally no one care about it. I obviously don’t do this just to have people read it but it is a nice feeling when people like or comment your posts and seem to be enjoying them.

How far this blog has come in just two month is crazy! I had tried to become a blogger before – had two other blogs before creating this one – but I wasn’t 100% in it, so seeing the difference now that I’m dedicated is amazing. I was also worried because I’m a 19-year-old, unemployed girl from Portugal and that no one was going to care about what I have to say.

Anyways, let’s get back to the point of the post…

How The Blog Has Evolved

When I decided to get back to blogging I was genuinely prepared to have two people see it and I was okay with it because the most important thing for me right now is to write things that I like or care about. However, the fact that I now have 30 blog followers makes me incredibly happy! I know it’s not a lot to most people but, for me, it almost feels like 3000 right now.

Recently, I also reached over 100 followers on Twitter – when I first started the blog I only had 46 – and most of my new followers are a part of the blogging community.

I didn’t have any other social media before I started The 20 Year Old Mess, apart from my personal Facebook and Instagram accounts, which I don’t use to promote anything blog related for a number of reasons. So, when I created this blog, I also created accounts to promote it and post anything related to it. I’m still trying to work on my Facebook Page and how to use it better, but my Instagram account just reached 200 followers.

So far I have had such a good experience with this blog and now I’m planning on working harder to make grow and create better content.

Update + What’s To Come

This past week I’ve been thinking on how to make the blog more organized and also brainstorming a thousand ideas for posts and other projects. This is what I’m planning for now:

  • Three posts a week and Post Categories

I know this is going to definitely be a push for me but I’ll be able to make it work. I want to be more consistent, since so far I’ve been posting in a non planned way and without a set day to post. I believe I’ll be able to keep this newly set rhythm until I get a job, then maybe I’ll switch to two posts.

As you can see, if you look at the Menu at the top of the blog page, I’ve created three categories: Personal ExperiencesOpinion Posts and Movie Talk. You can take a look at what posts are a part of what categories to have a better idea of what they mean. Each category will have its own day.

Tuesday belongs to Personal Experiences, Friday to Opinion Posts and Sunday to Movie Talk. However, Sunday will also be when I’ll post anything non related to any of the categories, which means that when that happens there won’t be a Movie Talk post that week. Also, when I do a post about a personal experience, sometimes it also ends up becoming an opinion post. That was the case – for example – of my last post Online Dating: Does It Suck Or Are We Just Bad At It?. When that happens then Friday I’ll post anything not related to any of the categories.

If there are any changes, such as an occasional switch of the dates or a delay, I’ll be telling you ahead of time.

Goals + Hopes For The Future

I believe that anyone that has a blog, has their own goals. Everyone has things they want to achieve, sometimes sooner and sometimes later.

I wanted to tell you about mine because not only could you help me with some but I also find it important for you to know what I see as the future of this blog.

  • Reach 100 Blog Followers (by September 24th)

I know not everyone likes hearing about follower goals, for some odd reason. I don’t see anything wrong with having your own expectations or having certain hopes for the future of your blog. Numbers aren’t everything – that’s true – but that doesn’t mean you cannot be happy with having people appreciate your work.

I would absolutely love to have 100 followers until my birthday, but if that doesn’t happen it will only be more motivation for me to work harder.

  • Become Self Hosted

One of the most important things for you to do when creating a blog is to become self hosted. I genuinely believe that. The most important reason is that you also become the one true owner of your content and have a lot more freedom.

However, I can’t do it right now. You do have to invest in it so, when I get a stable job, I’ll take the leap.

  • Create an Email Newsletter

I absolutely love the idea of having a newsletter for you, with exclusive content and much more. I do want to have a bigger following and have everything organized to create one first though.

  • Start making money from blogging

It’s actually funny: I have to get a job to become self-hosted and have more freedom and options when it comes to creating content and having collaborators, but I also want to start making money from blogging so I can make this my job. It’s really a full circle.

I’ve been reading a lot into the many possibilities you have to make blogging your actual job. I know it won’t be easy or a quick process. Because of this, I do want to take my time with this step and not rush into any crazy ideas I could not afford to try at the moment.

  • Collaborate With Other People

Honestly, there are so many options when it comes to this. Guest writing (someone for my blog or me for theirs), co-write with other bloggers, interview someone, work with brands…Nowadays bloggers can even become brand ambassadors and it’s amazing how many opportunities are out there. I’m excited to try a lot of them, since I love working with other people. It’s also great being able to collaborate with others, specially if everyone gains or learns something with that opportunity.

I would love to have all of this goals achieved by the end of the year.

What about you? What are your goals and expectations for the future of your blog? Let me know in the comments below!

Personal Goals For The End Of The Summer

I’ve briefly discussed this on my post about The Problem With Job Interviews so as you might already know I’m unemployed. Today I’ve been sending some resumes with the hopes to change that and this lead me to start reflecting on my summer this year.

I haven’t been doing many productive things to be completely honest. Me and my family were moving out for a bit but that doesn’t really excuse my laziness this year. I have not gone out with any friends all summer and I barely leave the house. A lot does have to do with some more personal events that have happened recently, but I’m sick of it by now. I’m just home all day, cooking and cleaning the house and taking care of the animals while everyone else is out either working or actually having fun.

I have now decided that I want to change the way my life has been going for some time now. That is what I want to tell you about in this post. Summer is almost done now – we have pretty much a month left – so here’s three things I want to get done or start the process of getting it done by the end of the summer.

Get A Job

I don’t know how believable this might sound to the general public but I really want to get a job. Yes, having my own money is definitely one of the reasons. In fact, it’s quite an important reason if I want to go to college anytime soon. But it isn’t the only reason. I’m really tired of not doing anything so getting out of the house, even if it’s for work, sounds like the greatest time for me right now. I’m sure I’ll change my mind by the time I actually start working with a set schedule but it’s still highly important for me to get a job before I turn 20 in September.

Getting a job will help me save money for college and my driver’s licence, buy things for myself without depending on my parents money and with the other two goals that I have.

Start My Weight Lost Journey

To be quite honest, my weight lost journey has started and stopped a couple of times by now. This time around though, I really am going to try to commit to it. I don’t really want to lose a lot of weight – maybe 15 kilos which is around 33 pounds I believe – and I also do not expect to lose all of it by September. I want to at least start a healthier diet and begin working out. I’ll begin by going on a little run in the morning and go from there. Getting a job it’s also somewhat important for this, because it would help me join a gym and start a diet that my family probably won’t follow with me.

My weight is something I’ve always struggled with. I win it really easily but it is quite hard for me to lose it. This created a lack of self-confidence for me for a long time, which has obviously affected some aspects of my life, like my difficulty in relationships (romantic or not). I want to become more confident in myself because that ultimately will make me happier.

When I do begin this journey, I’ll also start a series on this blog about it.

Take Care Of My Mental Health

This is a trickier topic and that could go on for a while. I’ll give you the shortened version though. There are people in my family with mental illnesses and besides my anxiety disorder, which I’ve discusses on the blog before, I have come to realize that I most likely suffer from something else. I do not want to clarify what because a big part of taking care of it is realizing what it is exactly that I have. That’s what I want to comprehend by the end of the summer. I do have my own idea of what it might be, considering family history, but I don’t want to say it is something now and then be wrong.

I’m definitely worried about this, as you might suspect. It is scary to know something is wrong with you. The goal is the get help and come to terms with it. I know it’s hard, some people I know were never able to do it, but I don’t want to follow the same path.

From all of these topics, this one is the one that I’m sure won’t be resolved by September. It won’t even be solved by the end of this decade. I do realize this is going to be something I’ll always struggle with, but I’m hoping and slowly but surely it will get better to live with.