Personal Goals For The End Of The Summer

I’ve briefly discussed this on my post about The Problem With Job Interviews so as you might already know I’m unemployed. Today I’ve been sending some resumes with the hopes to change that and this lead me to start reflecting on my summer this year.

I haven’t been doing many productive things to be completely honest. Me and my family were moving out for a bit but that doesn’t really excuse my laziness this year. I have not gone out with any friends all summer and I barely leave the house. A lot does have to do with some more personal events that have happened recently, but I’m sick of it by now. I’m just home all day, cooking and cleaning the house and taking care of the animals while everyone else is out either working or actually having fun.

I have now decided that I want to change the way my life has been going for some time now. That is what I want to tell you about in this post. Summer is almost done now – we have pretty much a month left – so here’s three things I want to get done or start the process of getting it done by the end of the summer.

Get A Job

I don’t know how believable this might sound to the general public but I really want to get a job. Yes, having my own money is definitely one of the reasons. In fact, it’s quite an important reason if I want to go to college anytime soon. But it isn’t the only reason. I’m really tired of not doing anything so getting out of the house, even if it’s for work, sounds like the greatest time for me right now. I’m sure I’ll change my mind by the time I actually start working with a set schedule but it’s still highly important for me to get a job before I turn 20 in September.

Getting a job will help me save money for college and my driver’s licence, buy things for myself without depending on my parents money and with the other two goals that I have.

Start My Weight Lost Journey

To be quite honest, my weight lost journey has started and stopped a couple of times by now. This time around though, I really am going to try to commit to it. I don’t really want to lose a lot of weight – maybe 15 kilos which is around 33 pounds I believe – and I also do not expect to lose all of it by September. I want to at least start a healthier diet and begin working out. I’ll begin by going on a little run in the morning and go from there. Getting a job it’s also somewhat important for this, because it would help me join a gym and start a diet that my family probably won’t follow with me.

My weight is something I’ve always struggled with. I win it really easily but it is quite hard for me to lose it. This created a lack of self-confidence for me for a long time, which has obviously affected some aspects of my life, like my difficulty in relationships (romantic or not). I want to become more confident in myself because that ultimately will make me happier.

When I do begin this journey, I’ll also start a series on this blog about it.

Take Care Of My Mental Health

This is a trickier topic and that could go on for a while. I’ll give you the shortened version though. There are people in my family with mental illnesses and besides my anxiety disorder, which I’ve discusses on the blog before, I have come to realize that I most likely suffer from something else. I do not want to clarify what because a big part of taking care of it is realizing what it is exactly that I have. That’s what I want to comprehend by the end of the summer. I do have my own idea of what it might be, considering family history, but I don’t want to say it is something now and then be wrong.

I’m definitely worried about this, as you might suspect. It is scary to know something is wrong with you. The goal is the get help and come to terms with it. I know it’s hard, some people I know were never able to do it, but I don’t want to follow the same path.

From all of these topics, this one is the one that I’m sure won’t be resolved by September. It won’t even be solved by the end of this decade. I do realize this is going to be something I’ll always struggle with, but I’m hoping and slowly but surely it will get better to live with.

My First Kiss Went A Little Like This

<a href=”https://www.bloglovin.com/blog/19550281/?claim=keje94dj64x”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

To this day I have never met someone who was able to tell me their first kiss was actually good or romantic or even just remotely okay. If you were lucky enough to have a positive experience I admire you.

The story behind my first kiss is not only awkward but also actually sad. It really is something I wish I wouldn’t have done, but I was an idiot at the time.

Let’s start with a bit of a back story so when I tell you how it happened it makes at least some sense. I was in 7th grade at the time, which means I was 13 years old. At that point in my life I was still being bullied in school – something I want to make a post about someday when I feel more comfortable – but I had a little group of friends. This might seem irrelevant but the reason I am telling you this is because thanks to that bullying I was really shy and introverted in school. I don’t even know how I made those few friends that I did have. At that time in my life I was the type of kid that didn’t want to raise my hand during class even if I knew an answer or was not understanding something. I barely talked. All this facts are relevant to this story because by now you should be thinking: how the hell did this girl have her first kiss?

photo-1504196877113-b6ec66380c41It was not during a spin the bottle game or a dare. It was with my first “boyfriend”. In fact it was on the day he became my “boyfriend”. Now you should also know that – to me – any relationship you have before you are 15 or 16 usually doesn’t even count. They are silly. This one was no different and it’s definitely worth its own blog post in the future, because I have so many dumb stories from that time.

HOW HE BECAME MY BOYFRIEND

For starters this guy had previously dated a friend of mine. Exactly, at thirteen I broke the girl code but this gets better. At first he didn’t even ask me to be his girlfriend in person. He went to that one friend he had dated before and asked her to ask me to date him. RIDICULOUS. Even more ridiculous? She did. She came up to me and popped the question. I found it stupid to be passing the message through her that I wouldn’t accept unless he asked me in person. The ridiculousness does not stop there though. Remember when I said I barely spoke? Yeah me and my anxiety ran to class after that to run away from him because I was too nervous. The next recess I tried to hide the best that I could, until one of my friends told me to stop and get this over with – she was right.

So that last recess was over and we had to go to class but he found me and my friend when we were going to class. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. We stared at each other like a bunch of idiots. I hate this story.

THE KISS

tim-mossholder-678983-unsplash.jpg

My friend – the one who told me that I should stop hiding – was still with us during the anticlimactic question. She was probably annoyed with both of us, but mostly me. I just mumbled “okay” and was ready to go up the stars and go to class, since we were already late by now. That’s when my friend – bless her heart – said “That’s it? All of this mess and you’re just going to do this? Not even a kiss? You barely even looked at each other!”

Oh how she was right. This lead me to stop walking and look at him. There was no profound looking in each others eyes or holding hands. No sir. Our lips met for what I think was 1 millisecond and then we both went to class. We didn’t say anything. Just kissed and walked away.

That was the beginning of my first “relationship”. Needless to say…it didn’t last.

My Problem With Job Interviews

photo-1526455026374-a105e60a65a3

As a 19-year-old who took a gap year after finishing high school last year, with the plan to get a job so I could go to college – because that thing is not cheap anywhere – I can now guaranty you that job interviews suck since I finished school in June of last year and I find myself now, a year later, still unemployed.

Now, to be fair, I spent the summer of 2017 just relaxing and not looking very much and from September to around November I was in one of the worst places I’ve ever been mentally so, although I looked, I probably was not looking hard enough. But since then I went to over a dozen of job interviews and I started to notice various patterns during each one of them, even when the jobs I was applying to were not that similar.

First I want to paint you the picture of what my resume looks like, because I believe that things might be different depending on the situation. I am 19 and I never worked before, in every single interview I went they always told me I was the only one applying that did not have any type of experience. I do understand that if they have someone who wants to work for them and that has the experience doing similar jobs they will probably hire that person, but it sucks because if people won’t give you your first job then you will never win any experience.

I also don’t drive, something that can go against me for some jobs. But I don’t have a driver’s licence because I don’t have the money for it…that is one reason why I need a job.

As you can probably imagine by now all this things limit the type of jobs I can apply to. I sent my resume to clothing stores, call centers, supermarkets, small coffee shops and some other jobs that usually don’t require much experience. Obviously a lot of them never called to schedule an interview and those who did, as I said, didn’t go so well. I actually did spend 3 days in one of the call centers with 12 other people, where they taught us what we were going to sell and all that, but they only kept 2 people from that big group. Both of them had worked for call centers before.

My biggest problem with job interviews is that a lot of times the questions they ask are not great or are hard to prove by just telling them. I just sit them and tell them all about how excited I am to have my first job and how, because I need the money, I will give 110% in everything they tell me to do. The problem, at least in my case, is that I have anxiety and that does not help during these interviews. I come of as really shy and cold – two things people always call me when I first meet them – which makes them not want to hire me. I get really nervous before going to all of these interviews and probably don’t give the best impression I could. That+no license+no experience really is not great.

Also I have to go on and on about how I love working with other people and how I love talking to the public, which is a lie as you might have guessed by now. There aren’t that many jobs, where I live, that don’t require you to be slightly social. As much as I like to think I’m a good actress, I’m sure people can tell that I’m much more than socially awkward.

Job interviews really aren’t pleasant for me, so hopefully I’ll be able to actually get a job in the future so I don’t have to experience them for a while.