Life Update & Future Plans

Happy Sunday! I’m so excited to finally bring you a new post this week. Life has been kind of crazy lately, with a lot of stuff going on around me, so it has been hard for me to find time with my computer. However, things seem to be getting calmer and settled now so here I am!

If you follow me on twitter you might already know this but…I finally have a job! I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for this. Is it my dream job? No. I’m going to be working at a call center. Is it something I can see myself do for a long time? Not really. It is a start though and that’s all I really need at this point.

Back in July, I wrote a post about my goals for the end of the summer and not so long ago I admitted I was not able to do anything on that list in time and how disappointed/frustrated I was with myself. Now, I’m finally able to check “Getting A Job” off of that list. I know we are now in November and, trust me, I’m still mad this took me so long but I’ve been trying to look at the positive side of situations lately. That all glass half full and not half empty thing.

Having this job will give me the opportunity of saving money to go to college (hopefully by next year) and being able to buy things for myself. Not only this, but I think having my day filled with something will be good for me. Getting out of the house for a bit and having my mind busy with something is what I’ve been needing for a while.

What’s Next?

Now I want to complete the rest of my “summer” goals. I want to start my weight loss journey and work on my mental health. I know these two things are on my mind a lot and I need to change that. I’ve always had a hard time with handling these issues and I really want to change that. It won’t be easy but I need to at least try!

I also want to work on actually having a proper schedule. It’s no secret that I’m not really good with posting on time – for a lot of reasons – and with now having a job plus everything I want to do at the same time it will be tricky.

I’ve been thinking of maybe posting once a week, either Saturday or Sunday since I won’t be at work. I can work on my posts throughout the week and by the time the weekend comes around I’ll already have something in the works.

Besides this, I just want to relax! I’ve been feeling so stressed with many things for so long and I just want to find some way to escape from time to time. I don’t know what I’ll do yet but hopefully something will come to me soon enough.

I can’t tell that by December I won’t have a post about how I’m consistently disappointing myself because I won’t be able to live up to what I want to do, because maybe it will happen. What I can tell you is that if I do write that post I’ll upload it, get up and try again.

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Getting Frustrated With Myself

Hey guys! So I really do suck, right? For any of you that actually follow my blog and specially to the ones that follow by twitter and saw my money tweets promising new content I apologize. I haven’t been on my blog for a while AGAIN and I’m actually pissed of at myself because I should really do better than this.

This time around I don’t really think it’s worth it for me to try to justify my absence since that’s what I usually do and then go back into hiding. I have been having a hard time lately – which I’ve discussed before – with feeling really depressed and there are some days where I just can’t even get out of bed and barely speak. However, I don’t want to use that as an excuse because I promised not only myself but you (my followers) that I would do better and be consistent and I’m failing…miserably.

It makes me incredibly angry because I love blogging and this isn’t a situation where I’m just a lazy asshole that doesn’t want to actually do this. I have so many ideas, goal and even half done drafts of blog posts. Unfortunately, I haven’t been on the greatest state of mind and it sucks. I feel like I’m letting you down and also disappointing myself! I want to be a good blogger/writer and I also want to do many other things that I haven’t even started and it’s my own fault! That’s the worst part to be completely honest, that I’m aware that I have no one else to blame but myself.

A while ago I wrote a post talking about my Personal Goals For The End Of The Summer where I discussed my desire to start a weight loss journey, get a job and better my mental health. It’s October now – summer is behind us – and I hate to tell you that I have not accomplished or even half accomplished anything on that post. I’m getting in my own way and I don’t know what to do about it. People in my “real life” haven’t been very helpful before and I don’t want to get disappointed by asking for help again.

So here I am at 18:30 pm writing this post to get all of this out of my chest. I’m not going  to make a huge post telling you everything that has happened to leave me in this state of mind because I don’t want to come of as a whiny girl but also it’s not even worth it. I know this post is not making a lot of sense but I’m just writing as things come to me and sometimes that’s just what you need.

As the title of this post says, I’m frustrated. Incredibly frustrated in fact. I’ve wasted my all gap year from school doing pretty much nothing but stay at home crying about everything that is wrong with my mind and now here I am. I’m going into my second – unplanned and unwanted – gap year and feeling lonely as hell. I got no one else but myself to blame for that though.

I’m now, as I’m writing this, also sending a few resumes to a couple of places. That’s good. I do believe that, maybe, getting a job will help be get off of my own head for a while and be distracted/busy most of the day. That’s what I need but unfortunately did not work on it sooner.

To finish this of I just want to say thank you to any of you for sticking around while I’m this big mess and hopefully next week I’ll have a better post to give you!

Thank you for reading x

What I’ve Learned From Blogging This Summer

Hey guys! Wow it feels like such a long time since my last post. I do want to start by saying how sorry I am that I kind of disappeared. Not only did I not post – after telling you I’d post three times a week – but I was also not active on any of my social media accounts.

I do not want to go into a deep explanation of what happened because it is somewhat complicated. However, the shortened version is that I was having a tough time in my personal life,my depression started to get the best of me and I honestly did not feel like doing ANYTHING. This isn’t an exaggeration or anything, I legit did not feel like getting out of bed during the all day and I did not do anything productive for the last month or so, which is deeply sad to me because now summer is over and I have not completed any of my summer goals that I talked about on a previous post.

Things are not resolved or anything but I am now trying to get better and get myself together.

Anyways, at first I thought of making a post kind of venting about everything – which I did start writing but never finished – however I decided that I wanted to stop thinking about all the things that happened and so I decided to write this post about all the things I’ve learned on my first summer as a blogger.

I have talked about my two previous blogs and how much they failed because I was not dedicated enough at the time, so with this blog it almost feels like a first time which was very interesting to me.

I’m sure there by the end of the year I’ll look at this post and think about a trillion other things I’ve learned since, but for now here’s everything I have learned from my experience as a blogger this summer:

Blog Followers Don’t Mean Much

I have almost 70 blog followers now, but one thing that I have learned is that those are not 70 guaranteed readers when I post something new. Some people follow your blog because you followed first and they are just returning the favor or because they want you to follow them back, but they are never really active on your page. Having a certain number of followers on your blog will not mean you will have more likes/comments on your posts than someone with less followers.

Promoting Is Important…But It’s Not Everything

The most important way to get people to visit your blog is to promote your work. Most of us do so by using Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest. That is incredibly important if you want other people to discover your posts. However, it is not everything. You can spend an all week promoting your writing, but if your posts are not interesting or good in any way then reader will click off after reading two sentences. Focus on your content first and how you will get people to read it second!

Do Not Overwork Yourself

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I said a while back that I was going to do three posts a week on The 20 Year Old Mess. I wrote a all post about it. However, I was only able to do so for a single week! I thought that I was going to be able to do since I am unemployed and “have the time” but I just ended up stressing myself about it. The biggest thing that I have learned is that I need to be more realistic when it comes to the direction of this blog and what I want to do.

You Don’t Need To Have A Determined Day To Post

Having a set day to have a post up on your blog is a way to keep everything organized but, for some of us, it’s also a way to unnecessarily stress us out. I do think, if you want to have a somewhat active blog, you should definitely post once a week or so, but it does not have to be on a single day. If you are working on a post and think it isn’t perfect or it needs something else, then it’s fine to just work on it more the next day and just post when you are happy with what you wrote. Otherwise you will just be posting because you have to and not because you want to.

It’s Okay To Take A Break

Sometimes things become too much and you need a break? That’s okay. For a lot of people blogging is a job but that does not mean you have to be miserable while doing it. If you need a break every now and then, that only means you’ll come back with a fresh mind and more ideas.

Don’t Do Something Just Because Others Are Doing It

Blogging can be hard. When I started this blog in June I read so many different posts about what to do and what not to do. Some of them were helpful but other’s not so much. What worked out for this and other person might not work out for you! Don’t get me wrong, it is important to get advice sometimes, specially when you are first starting out, but don’t let what other bloggers do completely determine the direction of your own blog.

I know this was a really short post, but now that I’m back I just want to slowly get my groove back. Next week I’ll have a post up that I have been working on for a while now.

Have a great rest of a weekend xx

My Two Failed Blogs

Hello guys! Cannot believe it’s already Tuesday and it’s time for another blog post. Before I go into today’s topic, I do have a question for you: Do you like this new blogging schedule? I told you on my post Blog Updates & Goals that from now on I would be posting three posts each week, each one relating to a different category. However, I want to know if you think that is a good plan or if it’s too much? Let me know in the comments below!

So today I thought I told you about my two failed blogs and what exactly I did that made them a failure. I wish both of them were still up, but unfortunately I’ve already deleted one of them. The other is in Portuguese but I’ll link it later on in the post and translate a bit of what I wrote in there.

When Did I Create Them

My first blog was on Tumblr, which I know is not the most popular platform for an actual blog. I created it sometime in 2013 – when I was 14/15 years old – and I wrote in English. This is the blog I have already deleted. The account on itself is still there but when I decided to not write in there anymore I deleted all of the posts so it’s empty. Since I never deactivated the account completely I can tell you the name. For some reason, at 15, I thought The Girl From The Background was a good name. It’s not.

The second blog was created on a more popular blogging platform, Blogger. This blog – titled Words From A Broken Home – was created in June of 2015, which means I was still 16 since I would only be 17 in September. As you might be able to tell by the name, I created this blog when I was in a though moment in my life, specially involving my family. None of that is, in any way, 100% solved at this point but in 2015 I was not able to handle things like I do right now, so it was a darker moment for me.

What Did I Post About

As I said earlier in this post, I already deleted everything involving my short-lived blog on Tumblr, so I cannot show you anything from there.

Thankfully, the second blog is still up. In this blog I only ever posted three times and they were all very short posts. As you might be able to see from the dates, I only used it for 3 days! The first ever post is called “Crazy Day” in which I talk very briefly about what happened that day. It’s about the time a girl I had just met that day went into an alcoholic coma. It happened when I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and that girl came with one of them. We were drinking a bit – which obviously we were not old enough to do and it was super dumb – and me and a few other people were aware that she was going too far but she didn’t really care. Anyways, that was a really scary experience and one that, at that time, made me actually reflect on a lot of things happening around me, including one of my friends at the time that we were all really worried about.

Here’s a quote (translated) from the post:

Already thought many times in calling her to the side and talk to her but I don’t think I would be a great help, mainly because I’m not in the best state of mind either.

I then wrote about my parents going their separate but I don’t think it’s worth it for me to translate my thoughts on the mater since they have since gotten back together and I do want to write about it now.

The last post, ironically, is about how I really liked posting about my thoughts on things and how I was enjoying having the blog.

Here’s what I wrote:

In a weird way I’m enjoying writing here. I’m never going to tell anyone I know that I have this blog because my only goal with it is to organize my thoughts and have a way to open up to others without it being in “real life”.

That actually has not changed. I haven’t told anyone in “real life” about the existence of The 20 Year Old Mess.

Why They Failed

The failure of both blogs is honestly the same: I was not ready.

This might sound weird but I truly believe you need to be ready, in many ways, when creating and committing to posting on I blog.

First of all, you have to put in work on blogging. You have to promote it so people even remotely know you exist. I did none of that, I legit created this blogs and that was it. I wrote every now and then and expected people to magically find the blogs. Of course, that’s not how it works.

This lead me to, specially with the first blog, get really frustrated and start to think it was not worth it because no one cared. To sum it up: I was an idiot.

Not only that, but a lot was going on in my personal life that I did not know how to handle.

I was writing about some personal stuff, which I also plan on doing in this blog, but at that time things were ever-changing and I was struggling. I did not know what was happening, what should I do and if honestly I could take it. I’ve talked about how I do have anxiety and suffer from mental illness and at that point in my life things were getting really hard and I was trying to pretend like they weren’t, specially in front of others.

Because of that I would get home and feel so tired, I was genuinely emotionally drained and I just could not bring myself to get up and write about anything, even if I tried to write about “lighter” things.

I just gave up both times.

What Changed Now

Simple. I’m just ready! I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes it is difficult. I still struggle with just wanting to lie in bed, forget about the world and do nothing sometimes.

However, now I’m willing to try to, even if I fail, I won’t just give up completely and pretend the blog does not exist. I’ll just start again for the next post.

I cannot promise you this blog will be perfect, there might be weeks I won’t be able to post and it will be hard for me. This time around I won’t just quit though. I won’t have a third failed blog!

xx

I Was Forced To Go To The Cinema – aka The Birthday Privileges

Happy Sunday! I’m actually really excited to write this post and even more excited to have completed my first week with the new posting schedule I told you about on my post about Blog Updates. As I had imagined it was a bit of a push for me to write three posts this week, but I’m sure I’ll warm up to it. I’m just excited to bring you more and more content now!

So for this Sunday’s Movie Talk there were a few things I considered writing about, including my favorite movies of all time, most anticipated upcoming releases and my guilty pleasures. Those posts are all, most likely, still going to happen but this time I decided to write about all the times I was “forced” into watching a movie and if it ended up being worth it in the end.

Now, obviously no one can force me to pay for a ticket and go to the cinema but all the movies included on this list were not films I have planned on watching, but – for a different number of reasons – I ended up having to sit down and pay to watch them. So let’s take a look at all of the reasons why I did not stay home these days.

The Birthday Privileges

I don’t know about you but me and a lot of my friends always had this unspoken rule that,, if it was your birthday, you had the right to choose what we would do. Going to the cinema always ended up being one of the planned activities and – of course – the decision of which movie to watch was also given to the person that was getting older that day.

Twilight mOVIES.jpgThanks to this rule, however, I had to watch the first and the two final Twilight movies. All of them for a different persons birthday I believe. Now, not to be a hater because Twilight was huge at the time, but the series was just not my thing. At all. Somehow I still had to watch three of those movies with my own money. I got to witness that stupid final when that one girl, whose name I won’t search just for the purpose of this sentence, had the vision of that somewhat cool fight but it turns out that’s all that it was: a freaking vision. Not only that but during Breaking Dawn Part 1 there’s the wedding and that silly montage of all of their happy moments on the honeymoon, because why the hell not. During that part of the film the long-awaited – for the fans – bedroom scene between Bella and Edward happened and I had to witness a 16-year-old sitting behind me yell “hell yeah, he could break my bed” and I haven’t been the same since.

Alright, I’m exaggerating. Those movies were silly but at least somewhat fun. That baseball scene is a classic.

The birthday rule is also the one to blame for me having to pay to watch such masterpieces as The Secret Life Of Pets, a few Adam Sandler movies and Annabelle or any other basic horror movie whose definition of horror is a cat jumping out of nowhere or some other silly jump scare.

To be fair, not all of them were awful. I also ended up watching both Conjuring movies at the cinema thanks to this rule and I really enjoyed them – specially the second one.

I also watched the last movie from the Hobbit trilogy at the cinema for a friend’s birthday. However, that one gave me a little more of work. In 2014, when the last came out, I had never watched a single Lord Of The Rings movie, let alone the first two films from the Hobbit. I still accept to go with my friend and see The Battle Of The Five Armies but she insisted that I should only go if I watched the other five movies, otherwise she wouldn’t mind going by herself. Image result for lord of the rings movies in order

Now, I’m actually a bit stupid. We planned this 2 weeks or so in advance but instead of watching one movie a day with no rush – since they are all more than two hours long – I kept postponing watching the five films on my free time. That decision lead the to have to spend an all day – the day before we were going to the cinema – watching the five movies in one sitting. That amounts to a little less than 13 hours and a half of movies.

I am glad I watched all of them because I obviously was able to understand the events of the last a lot better and I did enjoy all of them. I have re-watched the two trilogies since then however and I did like them a lot more the second viewing because I did not rush myself to see all of them in one day.

Also, the Lord Of The Rings trilogy is definitely superior to the Hobbit trilogy. Thank you.

Mia Wasikowska in Crimson Peak (2015)
Still From Crimson Peak

I also remember watching Crimson Peak at the cinema with some friends, but to be completely honest I’m not 100% sure if that was for someone’s birthday. What I do remember from that day is me sitting next to one of the girls in the group and having whine that the movie sucked the all time. She kept saying that the movie was not scary enough – probably waiting for that cat I told you about – ever though we told her the movie was not really horror but more of a thriller. Don’t get me wrong, the movie is not the greatest and it’s definitely not Guillermo Del Toro’s best work but it’s still really enjoyable and I did not get the chance to enjoy it as much as I could the first time I watched it.

What was the worst movie you had to watch because your friends wanted to? And what movie did you make your friends watch that ended up being awful?

xx

I Spent One Hour On Ome.TV

Happy Tuesday and welcome to my brand new series! I’ve decided to start my first ever series on this blog where I’ll spend a certain amount of time trying something new or experiencing a new app/website. Any post that will be a part of this series will have a tittle similar to “I Spent ____ (x amount of time) On ____”. I’m really excited about this and I hope you’ll enjoy reading this stories.

unnamedTo start the series I actually wanted to go to Omegle, even though I have used it before. That website was the entertainment of the 7th graders in my school. However, 5 minutes into using Omegle (only text conversation) someone pretty much just advertised the existence of Ome.TV as it being the “adult version” of Omegle. I found that incredibly hilarious since anyone that has ever used the original site knows there’s plenty of adult content in there. Still, I decided to use it because from my little revisit of Omegle I noticed that it’s full of bots and people advertising many different other type of websites or even their social media accounts.

A big difference with this version is that you cannot use a “text only” option to talk with other strangers. You are forced to video chat otherwise it does not allow you to initiate a chat. You turn on your camera, select your gender ( the only options available are female male and couple in case it’s two people using it at the same time ) and your preference of country – as in where do you want people you’ll talk to be from – although that does not quite work out. You can only choose one country or choose worldwide but when you only select one country people from other places pop up anyway.

downloadYou can type out instead of talking though, which is what I decided to do. I did not have the sound on and just wrote during the conversation because I felt more comfortable that way.

For a while I tried to cheat a little bit and didn’t have the camera pointed at my face but I quickly realized that would not work out. Most people just moved on and clicked to stop the conversation. So I decided to restart and this time around actually show my face.

I’ll be honest with you, I was nervous even if I’m not sure why. Either way I knew I needed to do it so I could at least take something out of this.

Oh I forgot to mention! I did this when I was bored at 4am! So I decided to use this site during one of my terrible insomnias…as you might imagine by now this was probably not the greatest time to give this a shot.

Anyways so I started over and this time my face was on full view. My worries about my visible double chin, how I dislike seeing myself with glasses and the fact that I looked like I haven’t slept in three days raced to see which one bothered me the most. I’d like to tell you that I’m a confident woman, but that would be lie. Obviously I was not excited to have guys masturbate on camera but having them click “next” in 0.2 seconds like I was the ugliest thing they have ever seen was not a pleasant thought either.

That did happen and I kinda wanted to stop everything right there because it seemed like I was only able to find 3 types of people: the ones that clicked away so fast you’d think they saw a monster, the ones that I was good-looking enough to see their dicks and 12-year-old boys trying to pretend they were at least 16. This site was clearly not helping my self-confidence.

I carried on though. I promised myself that I would stay for an hour, so I just kept thinking that even if I did not meet anyone remotely normal – *spoiler alert* I didn’t meet anyone normal – I could at least right one really disappointed blog post about it!

There were a few that actually were able to have a real conversation. For approximately two freaking sentences. First of all, 80% of the men that actually did try to talk to me were triple my age which EWWW. Also, all of the guys I did talk to were only really talking to me to lead it to the same place the ones masturbating on camera were. They just first said hello.

The two longest conversations I had were also, in retrospective, the most hilarious. Let’s name the guys – since I genuinely do not recall their names – John and Will. The two most basic male names to ever exist. Sorry Carl.

imagesFirst we had John. Oh dear John…what I mess. So this guy started of okay with the always used “hey, how are you?” and “where are you from?” which were a breath of fresh air considering right before I briefly had to look at a 80-year-old penis.

John was not gonna stop there though. Of course not. He thought that after that it was a great idea to ask me what type of underwear I was using. Now let me tell you something, I know initially I was not enjoying the idea of having to show my face but in that moment I realized there was something good about it. Every time I rolled my eyes or showed any signs of being done with what the guys on the site would say they could see it. They would know I think they are idiots. I did decide to respond with “none of your business” because I wanted to keep the conversations going as long as I could. I was on the mission of getting blog content okay! At that point you’d think the guy would either move on or just insist. He did neither. John thought that the right way to respond was by telling me which type of underwear he prefers his “ladies” to use and why. I really long explanation by the way. That was when I decided to move on myself.

A few people later I found Will. Now will was something else. We actually talked for about 5 minutes without major signs that he was a troll or a lunatic. I started to think there was hope in humanity. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen.

This guy legit asked me nearly 10 times to see my “tummy”. Yap. But he didn’t go about it the way you’d expect. He said “gotta ask, are you chubby?” to which I replied “depends on what you define as chubby I guess. Why the dumb question?”. Will then told me “not dumb. I like it ahah” and that’s when he said he wanted to see my stomach. Again, I normally would’ve moved on by now but I decided to just try to change the subject. Somehow his responses would always end with “so……tummy?”

Moving on a bit and he was now – in a cryptic way – asking me to pretty much watch him do his thing while I did the same. I, of course, said I did not want that and told him to move on to someone else if he really wants that. He kept insisting and then told me that if I did not want to I could just watch and also started changing the place of the camera so at that point I could see his full body.

I’m going to be honest, this one left me disappointed because during the first few minutes we actually had a nice talk. When I told him, again, that I was not into doing any of that he said “well then you can click next yourself, I have all night” and then told me to stop writing so he could stop moving closer to respond. Will then just sat there looking at the camera for a few seconds while touching his chest. I actually had to laugh at how ridiculous all of this was.

I closed the site.

So what did I learn from the hour I spent on Ome.TV? I learned that it’s not great for people with low self-esteem and that it’s pretty much Omegle but with less bots.

Just like when I spent some time Online Dating I did not meet anyone that changed my life for the better. I did just stay up till 5am that night.

Hopefully you can at least laugh at how sad and dumb this experience was because that’s why I’m now writing about it. Also, have you have used Ome.TV or even the OG Omegle? If so, have you actually met someone there that you talked for a long time?

Let me know in the comments and give suggestions for future posts in this series!

Online Dating: Does It Suck Or Are We Just Bad At It?

Online dating. The modern meeting at a bar…just without the liquid courage. One thing that remains though is the creepy and unwanted conversations.

I gave online dating apps a shot for approximately 3 months. During those months I learned some valuable lessons and was able to recognize the different types of people who visit these apps. To be fair, there are some people who are there to build more meaningful relationships. I also do not have any problem with the ones that don’t, if you want something casual it’s totally fine. My problem is when things aren’t made clear from the start. I can’t even tell you how many times I wasted my time talking to someone for nothing.

There are some things I believe I should clarify before we go into my experience with this new method of meeting people.

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  • I used the apps OkCupid and YouLove – which isn’t as well-known I think – I did not use the dating app of all dating apps aka Tinder because it was too heavy on my phone (I’m a looser and have an Android)
  • I did not use both apps at the same time. I first started with OkCupid but then deleted it when I became sick of it. When I decided to give these type of apps another chance I did not want to use that same account or create a new one so I found YouLove.
  • As I’ve discussed previously I’ve never been in a relationship. That isn’t really common for dating app users, I believe, so I always made that clear during the conversations.
  • I also made it clear on both of my profiles that I was looking for either a friendship (HAHA) or a more serious relationship. As you might imagine, since I’ve never had a serious relationship, I was not really open to having one night stands or something similar.
  • I identify as bisexual but on my profiles I never specified my sexuality and only really talked to guys at the time. I made that decision because if something were to come out of it, it could somewhat affect my life since I’m not out to my family.

Now that I gave you all of this information and clarified the circumstances in which I was, let’s talk about my experience for those three months.

The Apps In General

I do think it is important to say that the apps do work well and I don’t have some major problem with the way they were set up. I do think OkCupid does have a much better algorithm and it’s easier to find people you might agree with. YouLove doesn’t have that many users – at least here in Portugal – and if you don’t match with people they still show up on your profile a lot. OkCupid also has the positive of having the possibility of answering a trillion questions and then they give you a percentage of how compatible you are with someone, taking into account the answers you gave. If those percentages are completely accurate…who the hell knows, but I still enjoy the way it’s set up better than YouLove.

One thing that did annoy me in both apps was that I obviously put that a lived in Portugal on the settings and they even asked from where should the profiles presented to you be from. You can usually even say from how far you wouldn’t mind the guys being from. However, for some weird reason, profiles from all over Europe would pop up.

The Type Of Guys That Messaged Me/Wanted To Match With Me

As I swiped left and right I started to notice some common things about the users of both apps. From the pictures they used to the information they shared on their profile. Even more interesting was seeing the type of guys my profile seemed to attract.

There were the classics which are those who only have one picture attached to their profile that had a bigger focus on their abs than anything else. If you were lucky you could see a bit of their chin. A variation of this is having a million pictures and all of them being just like the one I just described.

In other cases I would see guys that a reasonable number of pictures – for context I think I had four pics in my profiles – but then wouldn’t really say anything in their profiles. That would be trickier on YouLove since that app doesn’t even show a percentage of how “compatible” you are. I don’t think you should tell your all life story on your profile but you have to give a little more than your name.

Some guys also, hilariously in my opinion, where using these apps to promote their other social media. That would be everything they would have on their description. I had guys message me just saying “Hey, I don’t really use this. Here’s my IG, follow me there to talk”. I never really did.

Last but not least I had men double, sometimes triple, my age trying to talk to me. The thing about these apps is that people can message you even if you haven’t matched with them yet, so that would give these men the opportunity – that I would never personally give them – to try to talk to me. Men with 2 kids, men that were older than my dad would message me like I would be interested. It’s also important for me to say that I also made my age clear on my profile so they were aware that I was barely legal. They would send stuff like “hey gorgeous, don’t you think you need a MAN in your life?”.

I have to admit, some people on these apps almost made me laugh. Others were just creepy.

The Type Of Guys I Talked To

I genuinely believe one of the biggest problems with dating apps is the type of people who do use it. From guys trolling during half the conversation to asking nudes after 0.2 seconds into a conversation. It’s definitely an interesting environment to say the least.

There’s a way to do things I think and the way a lot of people handle conversations over there is not the correct way. You say no to something and received the classic “you’re ugly anyway”. Well man, it looks to me like you were the one matching and messaging with an ugly girl then.

Here are all the different types of conversations I had on OkCupid and YouLove

  • The hit and quit it

This one is definitely interesting. I’d match with someone and they would message me “Hi” or something. I would respond just to not get any another response. My theory is that these guys would literally try to match with everyone and send a bunch of messages waiting for girls to respond. When the girls they messaged responded back they would then decide who they would be interested in.

It’s this or it was a bunch of bots.

  • The troll

Trolls are a fascinating species for me. On dating apps or not. Imagine wasting your time with something so dumb? Anyways…

Trolling in these case could honestly be anything. From professing their love for me two minutes into their conversation to asking me to go lay with them because they are “the best company”. From calling me a b*tch because I said I was rolling my eyes at their stupidity to a guy that blocked me after sending me a bunch of messages talking crap and having me telling him is life must be sad, just to unblock me every now and then to say “you’re still an ugly whore”. Saying these people are stupid is an understatement.

I’ll never understand what internet trolls are trying to accomplish or what they find amusing about what they do. I don’t think anyone knows.

  • The coming in hot

I think you can all guess what I mean with this. I always tried to be careful with the people I matched with, always making an effort to read their bios and all of that. Still, these guys always made into my mentions somehow.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think asking for nudes after only saying “hello, how are you?” to me is a good way to go about things.

As I said throughout this post, I don’t have anything against people wanting a casual thing. My problem is only that some people would say something in their profiles and then act a completely different way when you have a conversation with them.

Even worst was when they could not take a no for an answer. Some were just like “okay…” and didn’t say anything, which is funny. Others, however, would only call me a prude and ask why not. When I would insist that isn’t something I’m going to do, I would be hit with the classic “you must be fat”.

  • The “they’re so weird” you can’t quite tell

This is kinda a mix between the previous two. These would be the guys so outrageous you would think they would be trolling but, at the same time, after a while made think they were actually serious.

  • The ones that make it unclear

I already lightly talked about this one, but I think it’s worth to say more.

This was my biggest problem with the apps. I would match with someone and meet a completely different person in the conversation.

Usually these apps let you say what you are looking for and that is made public on your profile. Mine would say I was either looking for a relationship or just a friendship/meeting people. I always tried to match with the people who said the same thing.

Halfway into talking to them though, I would start to realize that wasn’t what they were really there for. You can call me naive, I admit I am. What can I say? I hope people are at least honest since it’s definitely not a strange thing to use apps like Tinder to meet a booty call.

  • The one that had a trillion accounts

I only met one guy, on YouLove, that was like this – but I found this so funny that I decided to talk about it.

I matched with this guys and we talked for a bit. Nothing really came out of it so after a day or two we stopped talking. When I stopped talking to a certain guy there I wouldn’t delete the conversation or unmatch them – so our conversation remained there.

I didn’t even remembered talking to this guy when, while I was doing some swiping, a profile popped up. I thought “okay he’s cute” but when I opened his profile I started to look at his other pics and that’s when I realized he looked familiar. I went to my conversations and found his profile – his other profile.

I just didn’t match with that new profile and didn’t think much of it at the time. The only thing I thought was that maybe he had forgotten his password or something.

That was until a bunch of profiles of the same guy started to appear. They all used the same name and all of the same information. I swear I saw around 10 profiles. Even more weird was that after a bit I started to get messages of a lot of those profiles.

I didn’t respond a lot of the times, until I got curious. So when I got a simple greeting from yet another profile of the same person I responded just saying “hey”. The guy kept talking to me like he had never seen my profile.

I finally asked him why did he have so many profiles and he said he was always changing phones. So he had over 10 phones in a month? Couldn’t he just sign up with an older account? He just said it’s how he uses the app. Whatever that means.

You would think it would end there. It didn’t. He then asked me why I never said anything else in our original conversation. I was honest and said I wasn’t really feeling it and was not interested in talking more. He just responded with an okay.

Two days later I received a “Hello.” from his 11th profile.

  • The okay’s

There were some guys that initially seemed great. The conversation would be working and none of them were acting like weirdos. After a while it would stop though.

The conversation just wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Hey what’s up.”

“Nothing. What about u?”

“Nothing much”

“Okay”

This isn’t my definition of a conversation.

  • The few that made it out of the apps

There were very few that made it out of the app. Most of them would follow me on my personal Instagram. Even fewer got my Whatsapp. You have to give the person your number for that and that isn’t something I wanted to give to a lot of them.

I don’t talk with anyone I met on OkCupid or YouLove now. Most of them ended up suffering the same destiny that the guys in the last category did. It just took longer to get to that point.

I just wouldn’t have anything to talk with them about and no one was really trying to make an effort to talk to be honest.

There were three guys that I gave my WhatsApp to. They deserve their own post though. These cases ended up being so dramatic, chaotic or just straight up dumb. I’ll definitely make a post titled “The WhatsApp Guys” or something in the future.

Final Thoughts

All of these guys either entertained/amused me or made me question my hope in humanity. A few of them were actually somewhat worth it, at least for a bit.

I did not find the love of my life though.

I don’t think I’ll be giving online dating another try, at least in the near future. I’ll try to meet people the old-fashioned way for now.

Does this mean I think it’s impossible to meet people and build relationships through dating apps? No. I do think you have to be willing to dig through all of the dirt for a while though.

I am curious. Have you tried online dating? How did it work out for you? Did you meet the love or your life or did you quit after a week? Let me know about your experience in the comments! Also, let me know your title ideas for the future post about those three guys.