Hey guys! So I really do suck, right? For any of you that actually follow my blog and specially to the ones that follow by twitter and saw my money tweets promising new content I apologize. I haven’t been on my blog for a while AGAIN and I’m actually pissed of at myself because I should really do better than this.
This time around I don’t really think it’s worth it for me to try to justify my absence since that’s what I usually do and then go back into hiding. I have been having a hard time lately – which I’ve discussed before – with feeling really depressed and there are some days where I just can’t even get out of bed and barely speak. However, I don’t want to use that as an excuse because I promised not only myself but you (my followers) that I would do better and be consistent and I’m failing…miserably.
It makes me incredibly angry because I love blogging and this isn’t a situation where I’m just a lazy asshole that doesn’t want to actually do this. I have so many ideas, goal and even half done drafts of blog posts. Unfortunately, I haven’t been on the greatest state of mind and it sucks. I feel like I’m letting you down and also disappointing myself! I want to be a good blogger/writer and I also want to do many other things that I haven’t even started and it’s my own fault! That’s the worst part to be completely honest, that I’m aware that I have no one else to blame but myself.
A while ago I wrote a post talking about my Personal Goals For The End Of The Summer where I discussed my desire to start a weight loss journey, get a job and better my mental health. It’s October now – summer is behind us – and I hate to tell you that I have not accomplished or even half accomplished anything on that post. I’m getting in my own way and I don’t know what to do about it. People in my “real life” haven’t been very helpful before and I don’t want to get disappointed by asking for help again.
So here I am at 18:30 pm writing this post to get all of this out of my chest. I’m not going to make a huge post telling you everything that has happened to leave me in this state of mind because I don’t want to come of as a whiny girl but also it’s not even worth it. I know this post is not making a lot of sense but I’m just writing as things come to me and sometimes that’s just what you need.
As the title of this post says, I’m frustrated. Incredibly frustrated in fact. I’ve wasted my all gap year from school doing pretty much nothing but stay at home crying about everything that is wrong with my mind and now here I am. I’m going into my second – unplanned and unwanted – gap year and feeling lonely as hell. I got no one else but myself to blame for that though.
I’m now, as I’m writing this, also sending a few resumes to a couple of places. That’s good. I do believe that, maybe, getting a job will help be get off of my own head for a while and be distracted/busy most of the day. That’s what I need but unfortunately did not work on it sooner.
To finish this of I just want to say thank you to any of you for sticking around while I’m this big mess and hopefully next week I’ll have a better post to give you!
Thank you for reading x