Hello guys! Cannot believe it’s already Tuesday and it’s time for another blog post. Before I go into today’s topic, I do have a question for you: Do you like this new blogging schedule? I told you on my post Blog Updates & Goals that from now on I would be posting three posts each week, each one relating to a different category. However, I want to know if you think that is a good plan or if it’s too much? Let me know in the comments below!
So today I thought I told you about my two failed blogs and what exactly I did that made them a failure. I wish both of them were still up, but unfortunately I’ve already deleted one of them. The other is in Portuguese but I’ll link it later on in the post and translate a bit of what I wrote in there.
When Did I Create Them
My first blog was on Tumblr, which I know is not the most popular platform for an actual blog. I created it sometime in 2013 – when I was 14/15 years old – and I wrote in English. This is the blog I have already deleted. The account on itself is still there but when I decided to not write in there anymore I deleted all of the posts so it’s empty. Since I never deactivated the account completely I can tell you the name. For some reason, at 15, I thought The Girl From The Background was a good name. It’s not.
The second blog was created on a more popular blogging platform, Blogger. This blog – titled Words From A Broken Home – was created in June of 2015, which means I was still 16 since I would only be 17 in September. As you might be able to tell by the name, I created this blog when I was in a though moment in my life, specially involving my family. None of that is, in any way, 100% solved at this point but in 2015 I was not able to handle things like I do right now, so it was a darker moment for me.
What Did I Post About
As I said earlier in this post, I already deleted everything involving my short-lived blog on Tumblr, so I cannot show you anything from there.
Thankfully, the second blog is still up. In this blog I only ever posted three times and they were all very short posts. As you might be able to see from the dates, I only used it for 3 days! The first ever post is called “Crazy Day” in which I talk very briefly about what happened that day. It’s about the time a girl I had just met that day went into an alcoholic coma. It happened when I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and that girl came with one of them. We were drinking a bit – which obviously we were not old enough to do and it was super dumb – and me and a few other people were aware that she was going too far but she didn’t really care. Anyways, that was a really scary experience and one that, at that time, made me actually reflect on a lot of things happening around me, including one of my friends at the time that we were all really worried about.
Here’s a quote (translated) from the post:
Already thought many times in calling her to the side and talk to her but I don’t think I would be a great help, mainly because I’m not in the best state of mind either.
I then wrote about my parents going their separate but I don’t think it’s worth it for me to translate my thoughts on the mater since they have since gotten back together and I do want to write about it now.
The last post, ironically, is about how I really liked posting about my thoughts on things and how I was enjoying having the blog.
Here’s what I wrote:
In a weird way I’m enjoying writing here. I’m never going to tell anyone I know that I have this blog because my only goal with it is to organize my thoughts and have a way to open up to others without it being in “real life”.
That actually has not changed. I haven’t told anyone in “real life” about the existence of The 20 Year Old Mess.
Why They Failed
The failure of both blogs is honestly the same: I was not ready.
This might sound weird but I truly believe you need to be ready, in many ways, when creating and committing to posting on I blog.
First of all, you have to put in work on blogging. You have to promote it so people even remotely know you exist. I did none of that, I legit created this blogs and that was it. I wrote every now and then and expected people to magically find the blogs. Of course, that’s not how it works.
This lead me to, specially with the first blog, get really frustrated and start to think it was not worth it because no one cared. To sum it up: I was an idiot.
Not only that, but a lot was going on in my personal life that I did not know how to handle.
I was writing about some personal stuff, which I also plan on doing in this blog, but at that time things were ever-changing and I was struggling. I did not know what was happening, what should I do and if honestly I could take it. I’ve talked about how I do have anxiety and suffer from mental illness and at that point in my life things were getting really hard and I was trying to pretend like they weren’t, specially in front of others.
Because of that I would get home and feel so tired, I was genuinely emotionally drained and I just could not bring myself to get up and write about anything, even if I tried to write about “lighter” things.
I just gave up both times.
What Changed Now
Simple. I’m just ready! I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes it is difficult. I still struggle with just wanting to lie in bed, forget about the world and do nothing sometimes.
However, now I’m willing to try to, even if I fail, I won’t just give up completely and pretend the blog does not exist. I’ll just start again for the next post.
I cannot promise you this blog will be perfect, there might be weeks I won’t be able to post and it will be hard for me. This time around I won’t just quit though. I won’t have a third failed blog!